I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
