just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
