watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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