Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
