im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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