I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
