Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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