I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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