I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
