If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
