i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
