He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she peed on how many people?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize