are you still at the devil's house?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
