my being single is dangerous.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
