well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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