She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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