I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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