just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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