Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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