She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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