Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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