I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
