Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
