She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
