mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We got so high we made milksteak
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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