evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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