my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
