I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The power of my boobs compel you
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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