i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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