last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
