ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
