Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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