Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize