Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
