I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
