This girl is more easily done than said...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
