Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
