the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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