I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
