The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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