Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
