Buhtt sex?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
