I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
