youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
