does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
These tits shall not be calmed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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