I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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