grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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