i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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