I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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