Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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