your thong is hanging out like whoa
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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