Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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