"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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