Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize