He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
