an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
