using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
