Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
