I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
