The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize