Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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