I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize