I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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