Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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